whither will my soul rest, Lord,
if not in You?
whither will my mind lead me,
apart from You?
with you, the nations crumble
as dusty bread not even to Your toes;
yet, somehow, now with You
my heart crumbles equally as them
when i cannot decide a means of life
with knowledge of You.
apart from You was unanswered and unanswerable thoughts
like a constant streaming of urgency
massing as thunderous clouds,
ever-spreading across the landscape of life.
with you, i have rest when i accept it.
i have lied in the greenest of pastures
and i soared on your wings.
what has happened?
what was i doing when i unchained,
once again,
this earth from its sun?
whither am i moving?
do i direct myself away from all suns,
as i did before?
can i direct myself any longer?
am i nearly as free
as i dread myself to be,
or am i bound to you by Your spirit?
whither has it moved?
what was it doing while i sat
empty-handed in the desert
alone and with wet eyes
full of self-pity?
whither will my soul rest but in You?
decide for me rest,
for there is no greater servant
than a servant who cannot think otherwise.
come and settle my doubt.
come and stir my passions.
come and remain faithful.
though i walk through the valley of the shadow of reason,
i will fear no responsibility,
i will fear no logic.
i will fear no emptiness in the world.
and mostly, i will not fear my fullness in you.
i am like a vegetable,
well misted in a grocery store bay window.
my soul tends to unrest
as my body attempts otherwise
and my body is weary for it
and my soul is bound to my being
because my soul is essentail being,
now that my charts of logic had led me to conclude that being and nothingness
are one in the same--
a transprogressional disunity of apperception.
i know not that You had presence--
but i still tend to urgency
though i know otherwise.
settle this urgency for me,
for alone, i am a fly with no place to land,
nothing on which to regurgitate.
nothing to eat.
prove me otherwise
and take my wings from me
and lay me on solid ground
and force my hand on Your shoulder
as i soar on Your wings like those of eagles.
i will tenaciously wait for Your wings to unfold before me
as You invite me on your shoulders
much broader than any man's
and much more stable
than the hardest of rock.
even rocks tumble on other rocks
but Your back i know to be fortified with unbendable muscle like steel
and Your shoulders so wide that i cannot even grasp them
but for a ridge along Your spine.
You have proven yourself to be faithful
Your works are exactly as you said.
i have known the Truth
and it has set me free
and i run back to Your arms
after i return to semantics and pragmatics
to learn once more that only You solve earth's dilemmas,
though i know not by which means always
i know
and i thank You for letting me never forget that You complete me
when i feel so imcomplete.
wither will my soul rest, Lord, if not in You?
